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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27898699">on my tongue</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas'>fiveyaaas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>apocalypse guys make do [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(it’s light), (it’s really light but i’m sorry LMAO), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood Kink, Body Worship, Breast Fucking, Caretaking, Come Shot, Dom/sub Undertones, Dream Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Foot Fetish, Grinding, Jealousy, Masturbation, Menstruation, Murder, Mutual Masturbation, Nipple Play, Or well kinda, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Pet Names, Pillow Talk, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Protective Number Five | The Boy, Sexual Experimentation, Size Difference, Size Kink, Skirts, Spanking, Suicidal Thoughts, Switching, bc there’s off-screen, i am going through the five stages of grief writing these tags, they’re more implied than anything, violence is tagged to be safe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:27:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27898699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“What was the trigger?” Even though he knew it wasn’t exhaustion in her voice, he still wondered if he tired her with his trauma. If she would leave him alone again, surrounded by breathing bodies that he would never be able to truly connect to ever. </p><p>“Your eyes,” he finally said. “They were… blank.”</p><p>“Like a corpse?”</p><p>He flinched, but he shook his head.</p><p>“Like… Dolores?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>apocalypse guys make do [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>on my tongue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chevalier_Barthelemy/gifts">Chevalier_Barthelemy</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, this is the second fic of the exchange I did with Chevalier_Barthelemy for the fic, “Together.” It’s benfiveya and a/b/o! I adore it💕  </p><p>PLEASE read all tags for this! There’s a lot of kink in here, and I never want anybody to be made uncomfortable by my fic. If any of the tags make you uncomfortable, please don’t read! Though this series is all set in the same timeline/universe, they are absolutely capable of being read alone.</p><p>A special thanks to my beta, ellaphunt19.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re so small,” he commented, face tucked against her chest, craning his neck to the side just a little to take one of her dusty pink nipples into his mouth. She kissed the crown of his head softly, combing her fingers through his hair, scratching just a little and making him groan against her skin appreciatively. He moved his face away from her just enough to mumble, “You’re so little in my arms, so tiny when I cage you against our bed. My sweet, shy, precious, little Vanya.” </p><p>“You just like that you’re so much bigger than me in this body,” she grumbled, pushing his head back down, prompting him to lavish his tongue against her sternum. “Keep in mind that you didn’t get this tall in your first timeline.”</p><p>His teeth scraped against her ribcage before he glanced up, smirking, “Do you not like that I’m taller than you?” Five adjusted them, spreading her legs enough to where he was bracketed between them, hovering over her. His palms settled over her shoulders, “Do you not like feeling so tiny underneath me?”</p><p>She pouted, and he kissed her chin, not even letting her entertain the thought of being bratty tonight. When he reached down, palm cupping her soaked panties, he added, “I like that you’re so little. Sometimes, you’ll hide behind me. Even if you don’t notice that you do, you’ll get closer to me to protect you. My tiny, sweet angel, trusting me to take care of her.”</p><p>At Vanya’s groan, he beamed down at her, pressing the heel of his hand down, rewarding her with more friction for dropping the brattiness before it even got there, “Don’t you like me taking care of you, sweetheart?”</p><p>Biting down on her lip, she nodded fervently. </p><p>“Say it, Vanya.” </p><p>“I like you taking care of me,” she whispered, hips lifting up, leaning into his touch. Five offered her another grin, and she asked sheepishly, “Can we go to sleep, though? Training was awful today, and I just want to get some rest.”</p><p>“Of course,” he kissed her cheek, laying down flat on his back beside her. She crawled on top of him, laying against his chest. Her hips rocked forward, and he knew that she was considering still going but not pressuring her about it at all. Training exhausted her, and she entrusted him to keep her safe and happy. Five reached for the covers, tucking her underneath them. Her chin was on his chest as she looked up at him adoringly with her huge brown eyes. “You know that you can always tell me when you want to take a break from training, though, right?”</p><p>“You get angry when I do,” she accused, pressing her face flat to his body meekly, a dainty hand moving up to shield her further. She was trying to be subtle about it, running her fingers through the hair at his chest, but he could tell by the way that her face had heated up that she meant her words. Vanya’s voice was muffled when she spoke again, “Sometimes I think you’ll give up on me.”</p><p>He tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. “I would <em> never </em>give up on you. Always tell me when you’re tired, Vanya.”</p><p>“Don’t you worry I’ll destroy the world if I’m not properly trained?” The self-deprecating tone to her voice made him ache. He often stayed up late at night, haunted by the knowledge that when he’d left her behind at thirteen years old, he’d damaged a small part of her beyond repair. No matter how long they’d been together, the thought of him leaving still lingered in the back of her mind. </p><p>Five stroked her hair, trying to both comfort her and himself. “Vanya, even if you did destroy the world again, I’d just take us back in time again.”</p><p>Though Five knew she was thinking about it, it still felt like she pierced his heart when she spoke again, “What if you get tired of me and just leave me behind?”</p><p>It was easier that she wasn’t looking at him in that instant. If she had been, she’d see the tears welling up in his eyes, and he’d feel even more pathetic than he already did. He choked out, “Do you honestly think I would?”</p><p>“If I was you, I’d have left me long ago.” </p><p>“Well, you’re not me. And I wouldn’t leave you ever again. One thing I’ve learned is that there’s no reason at all for me to leave you because the worst things that have ever happened to me after leaving you. The world clearly doesn’t want us apart, and I <em> definitely </em>don’t. I need you with me, and it’s not a selfless thing at all, either. Wanting you is entirely selfish, so don’t think I’m just doing it because it’s the right thing.”</p><p>She made a small noise, nuzzling against bare chest. He could feel her flaming cheeks, and an involuntary moan left his mouth as he did. Whenever she blushed, he’d be reminded of how <em> real </em>she was. His cock twitched, but he made no move to do anything other than stroke her hair. Her hips ground against his erection, but he didn’t do anything, refusing to do anything that went against something she’d explicitly asked him unless she vocally said that she changed her mind. </p><p>She didn’t though, just ground against him, movements stilling once she fell asleep. He let his own slumber overtake him, clutching her against him.</p>
<hr/><p>Her teeth gnawed her lip bloody as she rode his cock, and her eyes were starting to glaze over in pleasure. The vacantness in her expression sent a sharp pain to his stomach, and he flipped them over, rutting into her wildly until she gently touched his arm. Guiltily, he started to pull away, but she grabbed onto him before he could. “What was the trigger?” Even though he knew it wasn’t exhaustion in her voice, he still wondered if he tired her with his trauma. If she would leave him alone again, surrounded by breathing bodies that he would never be able to truly connect to ever. </p><p>“Your eyes,” he finally said. “They were… blank.”</p><p>“Like a corpse?”</p><p>He flinched, but he shook his head.</p><p>“Like… Dolores?” Vanya was gentle as she asked it, disconnecting their bodies for just one unbearable second before pulling him into her arms. He pressed his face to her chest again, but this time it was to feel her heart beating steadily against his cheek. Feeling awful about it and tears prick his eyes, he nodded. “Oh, Five,” she murmured. “You don’t <em> have </em>to talk about it, but don’t think I’ll be upset if you do, okay? She helped you survive, Five. I’m not mad about it. Not at all.”</p><p>“You judge it, though,” he accused, not with any real malice in his voice. He didn’t expect anybody to understand the loneliness that tore through him so much, didn’t expect anybody to understand the pain of burying their entire family at thirteen years old, of Vanya’s completely charred body moving like silt through his fingers. He hadn’t realized it had been her body then, and he’d only been given her book. If he believed in God or believed the stories Klaus told of meeting Them, he would have thought that not recognizing her body was a deliberate choice to keep from ending everything right there. He held out hope, though, and he probably always would have really. </p><p>The hypotheticals never stopped scaring him, though. </p><p>“I don’t judge it,” Vanya said, cutting off the dark direction his thoughts were going. “There’s nothing <em> to </em>judge. You were in pain, and you found a way to stop it. Plus, you recognize it for what it was now, so it doesn’t worry me like it would have if you hadn’t been able to do so.”</p><p>“The others judge it.” He couldn’t help the bitterness, knowing that they would laugh at one of the only things that kept him from ending his life many times over. Vanya’s book had helped him survive too, but it was much more fragile. Five had had to be delicate with it, knowing that it could be completely torn apart if he wasn’t careful, and that he would lose the very last connection to the life he had lived before. “They think it’s <em> hilarious, </em> and I know it is ridiculous. Believe me, I <em> know, </em> but she kept me <em> alive, </em>V.”</p><p>“Which is why I don’t judge it,” Vanya gently tipped his chin up, forcing him to keep eye contact. Confiding in her had always made him feel safe in a way that he couldn’t quite explain. He loved to take care of her so much, but when she was able to take care of him like this… “You’re here with me, and I’m thankful for whatever it took to make that happen, okay?”</p><p>When he talked to her like this, seeking solace in her arms or beside her, Five felt like the same kid that had hid in Vanya’s room after he’d messed up on a jump and landed in a dark room, deep within the confines of the mansion. It wasn’t the one she’d been locked in, but it had still horrified him until he was able to reach the ground floor again. When he’d finally gotten back to the light, sobbing and falling to his knees and begging to not practice his powers more that day, only for Reginald to say he’d performed ‘adequately’ after failing so miserably with an equation to let himself be trapped. Even a mediocre compliment was given backhandedly by him. His voice was quiet and timid as it had been when he’d asked to sleep in her bed when he asked, “You love me, right?”</p><p>The sadness in her voice when she confirmed that she did only made the guilt worse.</p>
<hr/><p>There was no soft, romantic way to tell her how he worshipped her body. Even if his communication skills were somewhat completely lacking and his social cues even more so as a result of spending decades with nobody else, he was aware telling one’s partner, ‘you having flesh really does it for me,’ was neither soft nor romantic. And, yes, he complimented her regularly on other attributes of her appearance (as well as her kindness and her bravery and her sense of humor and her talent and her intelligence), but there was a part of her that he loved so deeply that he couldn’t say out loud because it would be tarnished by a lack of vocabulary to adequately describe it (in all the many languages he knew fluently). </p><p>He loved that Vanya was <em> alive. </em>That she was a living, breathing person who he could stand to be around. Five loved the way she blushed and the way she wrinkled her nose and the way she pursed her lips and the way she ate and the way her lips chapped and the glistening sheen of sweat that would cover her body when she climaxed above him.</p><p>The sound of her heartbeat was just as lovely to him as the sounds of the plucking strings of the violin she had just started to really touch again. Five grew used to the way it slowed when she fell asleep, to the way it fluttered when his fingers slipped inside of her. He’d stopped so many heartbeats so that he could continually restart her own.</p><p>She was <em> alive. </em> And she was <em> real, </em>despite feeling like the best dream his mind could possibly conjure.</p>
<hr/><p>He took many hours to explore her in every way possible. Most people didn’t hold time within their grasp, but he <em> did. </em>If he truly desired, he could go back in time to relive the way she gasped when his cock entered her the first time, could coax variables to coax out orgasm after orgasm after orgasm from her without ever worrying that he’d tire her out. It was a tempting thought, but he also wanted to experience everything with her as it happened. </p><p>Still, he knew that if he desired, he could have forever with her. Could have an eternity discovering everything about her. </p><p>Most of the time, he liked nothing more than to see her face when they were together, but there was something to be said for her on her stomach, watching the bowing of her back and the expanse of raised skin where her spine was located. Reverently, he ran his fingers over her flesh, kissing between her shoulder blades, rocking his hips forward and telling her she was lovely, voice strangled with the surging of emotions. </p><p>“I love you,” she panted, and he groaned, reaching to run his fingers over where her nails dug into the pillows at her chin. He found the pulse of her wrist, stomach tightening as he felt her pounding heartbeat. “Fuck, I love… <em> please.” </em></p><p>With his free hand, he separated her thighs more, finding her swollen clit and pressing roughly against the bundle of nerves. Her back arched again, riding out the pleasure by grinding her hips against him. “I love you too, Vanya,” he told her, realizing that he hadn’t reciprocated the sentiment when she’d said it to him. “God, I love you so much. Doing so well, sweetheart.” She clenched around him as she always did with even just a little praise, something that fascinated him immensely. Losing all capability of rational thought with how close he was, he blurted, “You’re so warm. Jesus Christ, you feel so good. So <em> real. </em>God, Vanya, I-“</p><p>When he came inside her, rocking his hips forward as he continued to circle her clit until she was clenching painfully tight around him, he pressed his face to her hair, groaning out but not actually saying anything.</p><p>They both panted out short breaths, sweat drenching their bodies, and he gaped in fascination at the way her skin glowed with perspiration. And then he realized he’d almost said out loud what he’d been thinking. Of comparing her to Dolores in his mind, how much more he preferred the feeling of her cunt fluttering around him. Guilt tainted the euphoria he’d been feeling until he pulled out of her, flinching at the sight of his cum trailing down her thigh. He didn’t deserve to be with her, didn’t deserve-</p><p>Vanya wrapped her arms around him, apparently making the executive decision that she would have to be the big spoon tonight, kissing between his shoulder blades and along the nape of his neck. “You okay, dear?” Her voice was soft as she trailed her short nails along his torso, nuzzling against his back. She added when he didn’t say anything, “Zoned out for a second.” </p><p>“I’m fine, V,” he muttered, mortified and apprehensive and ashamed. </p><p>Her body pressed more fully against him, and he could feel her hardened nipples press into his back. “What’s wrong? Tell me. <em> Please.” </em></p><p>“I started thinking of… I started comparing you two. It’s disgusting, I know-“</p><p>“Was I winning?” Her voice held a light, teasing quality, but he was 90% certain she actually wanted to know. Maybe it made sense that she didn’t ever mock him about Dolores, considering how possessively she held onto him when anybody glanced over him appreciatively. They once went to pride with Ben, who claimed that he’d never gotten to go because Klaus had never been sober during the festival or parade, and Vanya practically growled at anybody that came near Five (to be fair, he wasn’t exactly a saint when it came to jealousy either).</p><p>“Obviously, I prefer you,” he said, not even sure why that had to be a conversation, pressing his forehead into the pillow warily. “But it’s disgusting that I was even thinking about that when I was with you.”</p><p>“No, it’s not,” Vanya told him gently. “Besides, I’ve done it.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Well, obviously not Dolores, but Leonard.”</p><p>
  <em> “What?” </em>
</p><p>“Oh, calm down. You know why I found Leonard attractive, right? Why I wanted to be with him?”</p><p>“I can take a gander, based on how you phrased it,” he grumbled, irritated at the mention of the man who’d hurt her so much, who’d indirectly caused him to suffer for decades. Even if Vanya was the actual cause of the apocalypse, it was the pain that she went through that really did it. </p><p>“I’m just saying that there’s nothing wrong with what you were thinking, Five.” Vanya’s breath was hot against his neck, and it made him squirm slightly. “We’re together now, and I’m not upset with you for thinking about what happened in the past. Don’t worry about that kind of thing, okay?” </p><p>He didn’t respond, and she lightly scratched her nails along his back until his eyes started to drift shut. When she stopped, he glanced back, seeing her already asleep and changing positions so that they were facing one another but not really touching. It was the position they’d slept in most as kids, and it was reassuring now. Because they were older and committed to one another, he felt no concerns in pressing their hips together so that they were actually connected, and he caged her within his arms somewhat possessively, hoping the knowledge that she was there and breathing and safe would be enough to let him sleep well. </p><p>He was right, and they were peaceful for the rest of the night. </p>
<hr/><p>Five’s fascination with Vanya’s cunt started before they’d actually gotten together. It hadn’t taken long after he’d gotten into an acceptable body that they’d slept together, but there had been <em> some </em>hesitation in immediately going for it, fearing that she would jump into things too soon and he’d wind up hurting her. She’d actually been the one to initiate a sexual relationship between them as well as a romantic one. </p><p>It had started with her cuddling up to him all the time. Laying on his shoulder while she read, asking to sleep beside him like when they were young, even sitting on his lap and claiming he’d stolen her spot on the couch (which he’d <em> almost </em> interpreted platonically before Klaus had said, <em> ‘Christ, V, keep it in your pants’ </em>when he’d walked by them, and her cheeks tinged pink before she’d climbed off of him).</p><p>Pretty soon after Five had said she was welcome to touch him however she wished, explaining that it was something comforting when it came from her and physical touch was something he craved a lot these days, she’d started sitting on his lap more often, neither of them acknowledging what it meant and just soaking in the feeling of physical affection. Sometimes, she’d ask him to wrap his arms around her, and he would, nearly groaning at how much more small she was than him. When she’d absentmindedly hide behind him when they went to the bar and somebody would stare too long, his chest had nearly swelled, slinging an arm over her shoulder or snaking it around her waist. </p><p>They’d get home, and he’d go take a shower, jerking off and just muttering the phrase ‘you’re so small’ over and over until he’d come against his hand, panting, wishing he could just comment something like that and it could be interpreted platonically because the ambiguity of their relationship surpassed his understanding of social cues. </p><p>And then the kissing had come, lips pressed to innocuous enough places that they could flirt the lines of platonic and romantic. She’d kiss his forehead and his cheek and his nose and his hand, giggling right afterwards when he blushed. The joke she’d inevitably make about his blush would be just playful enough that she was just kissing him in good fun.</p><p>The touches drifted into more romantic territory eventually. Her hand against his thigh, high enough that he’d know there was no way she thought of him as a brother at the very least. Around his waist. Once, when she was drunk, against his ass, causing him to stiffen at some charity dinner Allison had dragged them too. He’d wanted nothing more than to beg her to keep it there, to do whatever she wanted to him at all, but she’d also been drunk and he’d known that would cross a line. </p><p>Of course, when it started to become normal that she’d rest her hand against his ass completely sober, he’d nearly professed his undying love right then and there. </p><p>And then, he had been absolutely certain that she didn’t see him platonically the night that she’d worn that damn skirt. </p><p>It would make sense that Reginald’s uniform would only result in them all developing kinks around it, and truly he should have considered that. Because when Vanya had lay against his bed, wearing no panties and the Umbrella Academy uniform skirt, legs spread while she flipped through the pages of a book she clearly wasn’t reading, Five wanted nothing more than to completely disparage the name of the entire Umbrella Academy and come all over that skirt. </p><p>But really, paying attention to the skirt was damn near impossible when he had full access to her cunt, with her thighs spread hips-width apart.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Five had asked lightly, attempting to not sound like he was choking on his own spit because he absolutely was and it was also absolutely mortifying, “Attempting some sort of bold fashion statement?” He wasn’t entirely certain if it wasn’t just a string of incoherent syllables, but clearly Vanya liked what she heard from him, based on the approving noise. Five had nearly lost his entire mind in that moment, wanting to get on his knees and beg her to tell him he was doing a good job, a surprisingly submissive display in his mind when he’d always enjoyed being in control, one he didn’t mind because the concept of Vanya praising him had caused his dick to be <em> painfully </em>hard. </p><p>“You like what you see?” Vanya had giggled, the same noise she’d made after kissing his cheek the week before, and, <em>Jesus Fucking Christ,</em> was he in love. </p><p>Weakly, he’d nodded, and she’d said, “Good, because you just get to watch tonight.”</p><p>And, really, he’d have been fascinated by her cunt anyways, considering how obsessed he was with her, but seeing her plunge her fingers inside of herself while he weakly watched from the foot of her bed, mouth agape, had sealed the deal on his devotion to it forever. He could understand the appeal of religion if worship meant pressing his head between her thighs, licking her clean and begging for seconds.</p>
<hr/><p>She’d grown comfortable with him over time, starting to ask her own questions about his time in both the apocalypse and the Commission rather than let him offer up all the information. Vanya could be riding his cock or shoving her chest to his face impatiently, wanting attention that he was all too willing to offer, and she’d ask him to clarify small things like <em> ‘did the Commission use paper files or computers?’ </em> or <em> ‘did you find purpose to things like shaving when there was no one around?’ </em> A lot of times, his mouth would be occupied, and he was 99% percent certain the <em> only </em> reason she ever asked during those moments would be to roughly tip up his chin and order, <em> ‘Answer me.’ </em> Even if her eyes started glowing, Five never felt threatened, though them taking turns on who got to be in control was something he found he <em> very much </em>enjoyed. </p><p>When she’d asked about Dolores though, one night when they were falling asleep, bodies turned to one another and sleepily pillow talking after wearing one another out, it hadn’t been in the context of sex, though the question <em> did </em> relate <em> to </em>sex. </p><p>“Is it okay if I ask something personal?” Vanya had asked, practically purring when he’d started gently stroking her hair. She really loved when he combed his fingers through her hair, would moan as he did, sometimes she’d even ask that he’d pull her hair when he took her from behind, never wanting him to act in a demeaning way as he did, wanting to hear praise when he pulled her hair or smacked her ass (though she preferred spanking him usually). Anytime she asked him to be a little rough with her, she wanted him to still be gentle in the way he spoke to her, which he was absolutely fine doing, wanting to be as perfect for her as she was for him. </p><p>“What is it you wanted to ask?” Five responded, willing to tell her whatever she’d like. There were only two topics that they both really tried to avoid- the Handler and Leonard. Vanya had once gotten highly inebriated, clawing at a random briefcase that Five wasn’t entirely certain how she’d acquired, claiming that she was going to the Commission to ‘kill the bitch that made Five sad,’ and, when she’d sobered up the next morning, chewing on the hangover food he’d made her, he’d told her that there was no need for her to ever go after the Handler, that he’d already taken care of it. </p><p>Deep down, though, he’d been touched that she was so willing to protect him. Nobody had ever protected <em> him </em>like that before, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to adequately say how much he loved her for even trying to go and fight off the leader of a group of time-travelling assassins. (Though, really, he wouldn’t have wanted her to ever go to the Commission headquarters, never wanting her to be in any line of danger at all. It was the thought that counted in that case.)</p><p>Leonard had also been taken care of. Many times over. </p><p>He had the ability to wind back time, and using it to kill Leonard in every method he’d ever learned in his time as an assassin and soldier had felt right. </p><p>“When you were in the apocalypse…” Vanya started, cheeks flushing. </p><p>Five was already fine with wherever this was going; this had now become safe ground for discussion. </p><p>“With Dolores,” she added, moving closer just a fraction of an inch. </p><p>“Yes, sweetheart?” Five asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, pulling her flush against his chest. </p><p>“How did you…?”</p><p>“How did I what?” He was already pretty certain where this was going, but he also knew that she was probably a little worried at how he would react to the question. Five encouraged her gently, “You’re welcome to ask me anything, V.” </p><p>“How did you have sex with her?” Vanya blurted, shoving her face to his chest immediately after. </p><p>He parted her hair, wanting to watch the way the nape of her neck had tinged red. Wanting to see the blush spread some more, Five asked, “You jealous, V?”</p><p>She whimpered, and he realized that she actually really was, quickly amending his actions by kissing the crown of her head. “Do you really want to know? I don’t want you to be grossed out.”</p><p>“I once admitted to you I stole the pillow from your bedroom after you left and cuddled it every night.”</p><p>“A completely innocent thing to do,” he shrugged. </p><p>“I also admitted that I used it to help me masturbate once.”</p><p>“Yes, and truly the only disgusting part of that story was that I was deprived of watching you do so.” </p><p>She stopped hiding against his chest, only to make sure that he could see her disapproving frown. “Tell me, you dirty old man.” </p><p>He couldn’t hide the quick grin that her words caused, but he schooled his features into much sincerity as he could when he confirmed, “You’re <em> certain </em>you want to know?”</p><p>Vanya nodded, shifting so that she was more on top of him than beside him. He was wide awake at this moment, and he cupped her ass as he explained, “Well, for the most part, I could just grind against her and be fine.”</p><p>“Did you come on her?”</p><p>He raised his brows at the boldness of her tone, “Yes?” </p><p>“On her chest?”</p><p>“I mean, she was primarily just a torso and head, so, most of the time, yes.”</p><p>She nodded, biting her lip. “Did you clean her up afterwards?”</p><p>“Well, yeah, if I didn't, it would feel… I dunno, disrespectful? Maybe? Plus, I did sleep next to her, so it would be messy otherwise.” </p><p>“Did you ever call her by my name?”</p><p>Five wasn’t sure if the question made him more guilty or more aroused. Either way, the truth of the matter was that… “Yes, many times.” </p><p>She nodded, blinking dazedly, before saying, “Thank you for sharing. I was curious.”</p><p>With Vanya’s interrogation over, Five asked, “Why’d you wanna know, dear?”</p><p>“Can I tell you later?” </p><p>“Sure,” he chuckled, pulling a blanket over her body that was already starting to still like it did before she completely fell asleep. “I love you, V.”</p><p>“Love you too,” she mumbled. </p><p>When he fell asleep, his mind provided him with images of Vanya underneath him, wildly thrusting against her tiny tits until his stomach was tightening, her mouth opening, begging him, <em> ‘please, D-‘ </em></p><p>He woke up in the middle of the night, gasping, not wanting to tell Vanya of what he’d almost fantasized of her calling him or of the way he’d wanted to come all over her or the way he’d imagined using her tits to get him off-</p><p>“Where are you going, Five?” Vanya yawned as he started to disentangle himself to go to the bathroom to fix his painful erection. “Did you have a nightmare?”</p><p>“No,” he assured. </p><p>She opened her eyes a little, glancing at him before laughing a little. “Lay on your back,” she commanded. “And you better stroke my hair.” </p><p>Before he could even agree, her mouth was on his cock, warm and wet and familiar. Sighing appreciatively, he sunk his fingers into her hair, stroking it as she’d commanded.  </p><p>“Sorry, I woke you up,” Five stammered, thrusting against her mouth. A bit of slobber dribbled down her chin, looking up at him with big brown eyes. “Thank you for doing this,” he included. “I was dreaming about you.”</p><p>Her lips curled around his cock, bobbing her head a little in a nod, asking him to continue what he was thinking. Shakily, he explained her dream, stunned when she just mewled as he confessed what it had been about. Encouraged by her reaction, he started admitting all the ways he wanted to fuck her, making sure to say it all sweetly still because it’s what she always requested. </p><p>As he came inside of her mouth, she pulled off with a quick pop, moving up to kiss him. He didn’t mind the taste of his own cum on her mouth, darting his tongue out to get some off of her chin so she wouldn’t fall back to sleep with a dirty face. Vanya smiled, going to lean against him. </p><p>When he moved his hand between her thighs, she made a confused noise. </p><p>“Not okay?” Five asked, already pulling away, but she grabbed his hand before it could fully stop touching her, tightening her grip so that she could guide his movements, both of them jerking her off together. </p><p>While he normally dragged her orgasms out, she was fast and thorough about it, back moving against his chest while she asked him to play with her tits with his free hand. He followed her order, keeping up with the rapid pace against her clit that she was setting still. When she clenched against his fingers abruptly and roughly, she mumbled sleepily, “Keep spooning me.”’</p><p>“Yes, ma’am,” he chuckled, pulling the covers over them and pressing his nose to her long hair. </p><p>“Am I your favorite, Five?”</p><p>He didn’t know what she was asking- favorite sibling, favorite partner, favorite friend. No matter what she was asking though, the answer was yes. “Of course you are, V,” he told her, kissing the place where her shoulder met her neck. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”</p><p>“Okay. You love me, yeah?”</p><p>“Of course I do. Love you always, V.” </p><p>“Love you too.”</p>
<hr/><p>He took solace in the parts of her that a lot of people were, at best, indifferent towards. </p><p>When she got her period and asked if they could get ice cream, he bought a variety of flavors she’d always enjoyed, an absurd amount of feminine products because he’d forgotten her opinions on wings, and then the specific variant of Midol she enjoyed most, fingering her without question when she suggested it might help her cramps, nearly groaning as he felt a mixture of blood and cum gush against his fingers. It was the first time he’d ever felt blood on his hands when it was for a good thing. And she felt so warm around him, so <em> human </em> with her pulse at his fingertips. </p><p>When she would get seasonal allergies, he would cherish the opportunity to take care of her until she got better, console her inability to go outside without sneezing the entire time by reading to her inside and cooking her favorite meals. </p><p>When she would be too exhausted to do anything at all or when she’d get that vacant look in her eyes again, asking every few moments if he was mad at her, he made sure that he never left her behind, made sure to listen whenever she opened her mouth. Made sure to wash her and feed her and get her to move around enough that she wouldn’t be sore. </p><p>The moments where he knew she was struggling were rough, but they at least meant she was around <em> to </em>struggle.</p>
<hr/><p>“Can you do something for me?” Vanya asked one day, and he glanced away from the equations he’d been scribbling on the wall. It was more of a nervous habit at this point. Today was an anniversary- the day she’d ended the world. </p><p>“Anything,” Five promised, setting down his chalk and opening his arms out for her, kissing the top of her head when she accepted his hug. </p><p>“It’s, uh-“</p><p>“Got it,” he laughed, amused that she could even be embarrassed about something like this with how long they’d been together. </p><p>“Can we go to our bed?”</p><p>“Sure, if that helps.” He blinked them there instead of walking the distance, and she’d gotten so used to his spatial jumps at that point that her breathing didn’t even slightly change. When she landed on top of him, he asked, “Okay, what was it?” </p><p>“No judgement?”</p><p>Wordlessly, he held out his pinky, something that felt silly when he wasn’t still nine years old, but, before he was anything else, he was her best friend. “No judgement,” he told her, looping their pinkies together before he gently patted her thigh. </p><p>When she leaned down and whispered what she wanted into his ear, the furthest thing from his mind was <em> judging </em>her. His cock twitched against her, and he couldn’t help the groan that left his mouth. </p><p>“Is that a yes?” She sounded apprehensive, shy, and he nodded hastily, hips jerking involuntarily. “Now?”</p><p>“Whenever you want.”</p><p>“Could we plan for it maybe?” </p><p>He nodded. </p><p>“And you’re sure-“</p><p>“I want to.”</p><p>She beamed.</p>
<hr/><p>When she was completely still except for the steady rise and fall of her chest, Five asked, “Could you speak every few moments?”</p><p>She nodded, fiddling with one of the buttons of the shirt of his she was wearing, starting to pull the garment off. “Anything else?”</p><p>“Well, if you have any concerns or if anything is too much, tell me, okay?” </p><p>Vanya smiled, “Okay.”</p><p>He explained how he would position himself, knowing he had to be much more delicate with her because she was fragile. When he moved to hover over her, she asked shyly, “Can you call me your doll?”</p><p>Five raised his brows, nodding silently. Her eyes filled with relief as they always did when he didn’t judge her for a request like that. It sometimes made him wonder how receptive her previous partners had been to her ideas, and it made his blood boil whenever he realized <em> why </em> she was so afraid to ask. For that reason, he always said yes to anything at least once, willing to experiment as much as she wanted. Occasionally, one or both of them would dislike something they tried and agree to not do it again, but, for the most part, they always turned out well. </p><p>When she looked up at him, her eyes were completely clear. He could see bags under her eyes from getting little sleep in the past week, a slightly reddened portion of her skin, a small streak of gray in her hair. She was <em> perfect, </em> somebody <em> real. </em>Her eyes held no signs that she didn’t trust him, and she pinched her cheek and relished in the feeling of the way it squished against his hand just a little. </p><p>Slowly, he rocked his hips forward, seeing if he could find any signs of discomfort at all. Even if she had specifically asked him to do this, he didn’t want to ever upset her. All he could see was anticipation and a little pride. He realized his gaze must be truly reverent for the way she was looking at him, and he spoke, “You’re so lovely, my little doll.”</p><p>Five glanced down at her chest, watching her nipples stiffen at his words. It was odd how much witnessing them erect at something he said did for him- having both the knowledge that they <em> could </em> and that <em> he’d </em>been the one to cause it. He reached down to pinch one between his thumb and forefinger, nail digging in slightly to the dusty pink nub. “Do you like me touching you this way, doll?” She’d let out a gasp before when he’d called her the name, and he wanted to hear it again. </p><p>“Yes,” she mewled. </p><p>His hips rolled again, “Do you like sitting so still for me? Letting me do as I please to you?”</p><p>She nodded, biting her lip. </p><p>And then, more gently, he asked, “And my doll will tell me if it’s too much?” Even though this was tame, it was the most demeaning he’d ever spoken to her, and he needed to make sure to build her comfort up, keep her as comfortable as possible for this entire process. Even the way he was moving his hips against her was a little demeaning, and he didn’t want her to be scared or uncomfortable or unhappy at all. </p><p>Faintly, she nodded. </p><p>“Good girl,” he purred, moving a strand of hair from her face, so he could see the expressiveness of her eyes. He ground against her chest again, this time cupping her small breasts into his hands, pressing them together against his cock. “So good,” he continued, roughly jutting his hips forward, wanting to see her tits move a little.</p><p>“Can I touch you?”</p><p>He nodded, freeing his grip from her and moving his hands away so she was in a more comfortable position. She lightly stroked him, not following any sort of rhythm or speed, but he didn’t mind at all, just groaning softly as her thumb ran against the budding pre-cum. </p><p>When she asked quickly if he could move, he pulled away hastily, horrified at the concept that he’d done something wrong. However, she just leaned back, staring up at him before saying she’d like it if he did as he pleased to <em> her. Vanya.  </em></p><p>She didn’t want to be fucked like Dolores anymore. She wanted to be fucked like how he’d fuck her. Five nodded, moving over to her before getting an idea. </p><p>He loved her completely, and he wanted to tell her <em> why. </em> There was no judgement between them in that moment, and he didn’t think there ever truly was. Even if for a long time he’d struggled to tell her everything, afraid that she would think he was odd or awful or inadequate (or, truly even, <em> just </em>adequate, remembering how much it had stung to hear from Reginald).</p><p>“Vanya, can I tell you something?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>He moved his palm to her small feet, kissing each of her toes and then her ankle, dragging his tongue along the top of her foot before he glanced up. “I love that you’re <em> alive.” </em></p><p>She raised her brows in confusion. “I love that you’re alive too.”</p><p>Five huffed out a breath, pressing a kiss to an old scar on her calf, one she’d gotten when she’d tripped on one of Diego’s knives. The eleven year old version of himself had almost killed Diego for being such an idiot. “I <em> do </em> mean it that way, but I also… I love the fact that you breathe.” He shook himself of the discomfort, wanting to express this. “I love the way your eyes light up with emotion, how you have thousands of miniscule different facial expressions, how your heartbeat feels against my cheek when I can’t sleep.”</p><p>Her eyes went wide, and his pulse pounded, likely easy for her to hear with her powers. “I like knowing that I’m not ever <em> alone, </em>not when I’m with you.”</p><p>“Five, you don’t have to-“</p><p>“I like the way you blush,” he interjected. “And the way your nose wrinkles a little. And your <em> skin.” </em> He flinched. “Sorry, I know that sounds creepy, but I like the way you have a few freckles and a few stretch marks and you have scars that I know all the stories about because I know <em> you.” </em></p><p>His hand slipped between her thighs, index finger sliding inside of her to the knuckle, “I like the way you get wet so easily and the way you clench around me and the way we fit together.”</p><p>He leaned forward until their foreheads pressed together. “I like that you’re <em> real, </em> and you’re <em> small </em> , and you’re <em> mine. </em> And that, by some wonderful twist of fate, a fortune I genuinely thought myself incapable of, I am <em> yours.”  </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading! There will be three more installments of this series after this! 💕</p></blockquote></div></div>
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